Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
