so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
