I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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