Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
