Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
