Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
