I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize