Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
