yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
