in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
