I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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