i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
