i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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