she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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