I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
