Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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