That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
