Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
