He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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