I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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