i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
