We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
