why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
