How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
