the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize