I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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