SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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