tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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