We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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