I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
