So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
