If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
