Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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