If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize