i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
