do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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