Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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