Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
