I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
