oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
