Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize