So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
