Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
