That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
