I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
