Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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