I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
