I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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