WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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