I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
