i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
