apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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