Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I am available for nakedness
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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