Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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