he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
