hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
