Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
