You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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