I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
