And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
