I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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