I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
