the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
