Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
