Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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