batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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