Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
