I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
