Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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