took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
