Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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