You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
