I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
