hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
