To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
