What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize