My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
