found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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