Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
